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[Doctor Gollum]

Sitting in the lounge at Gatwick, and the lady behind the bar is chatting to a chap with Down syndrome. He's quite chatty and when she asked if he played any sports, he replied that he's quite partial to a round of golf...

Her next question, without so much as a pause, "What's your handicap?"

Priceless

[YZ250]

Although said in innocence I think we’ve all put our foot in it inadvertently at times.    I know I was king of putting my foot in it at work, however unintentional.
I was complaining about the poor quality of the clamps on our fixtures when I commented that they were about as much use as a glass eye. The contractor did indeed have ……. a glass eye. 

[Doctor Gollum]

I do it all the time too I suspect that the mind gets so focused on avoiding a detail that it inserts it into every sentence.

[Field Marshal Dr. Opti]

Speaking of disability.....

At school it was common for kids to call each other 'mongs' and then act it out in theatrical manner. Even some of the teachers found it quite amusing.

But we all know better now.

[JamesV6CDX]

I once went to a 999 call, single crewed, middle of nowhere. All I had over the radio was "screaming female". I was convinced it would be a domestic.

I turned up, to a totally inconsolable woman in a massive country house, who couldn't speak and just pointed to the stairs. I gingerly went up there, wondering what I would find, and it stank of burnt pork. Her husband had somehow bypassed any form of trip, and had wired himself up to the mains (via a timer) to electrocute himself. (He used the timer, to record his actions on a strategically placed camcorder, to absolve his wife of any accusation of wrongdoing).  He was obviously cooked by the time I got there.

I spent the rest of my shift trying to console his widow, and completing paperwork for the coroner, whilst at their house.

By the time I had left, I'd been with the wife for hours and had built up a brilliant rapport with her.

I called a friend of hers to come and sit with her before I left, and as I was about to get back in the panda, I innocently said to her "Have you got any burning questions" 

Thank god, she actually laughed a bit. I went to check on her a couple of times in the coming weeks when I had jobs in the area, and it never did affect our rapport!

[Andy B]

..... Her husband had somehow bypassed any form of trip, and had wired himself up to the mains (via a timer) to electrocute himself.  ....

 

[STEMO]

..... Her husband had somehow bypassed any form of trip, and had wired himself up to the mains (via a timer) to electrocute himself.  ....

 

Go on, Andy......say it.
That's shocking! 

[Andy B]

..... Her husband had somehow bypassed any form of trip, and had wired himself up to the mains (via a timer) to electrocute himself.  ....

 

Go on, Andy......say it.
That's shocking! 

 

[Viral_Jim]

. Her husband had somehow bypassed any form of trip, and had wired himself up to the mains (via a timer) to electrocute himself.

Older style fuse boards with out rcd's make this easy.

When my parents first moved into their current house, there was an issue with squirrels living in the roof and chewing the house wiring. To "fix" the problem of the fuses blowing, the old duffer who lived there had replaced the fuses on the affected circuits with cut sections of 6"nail.

How the place didn't burn to the ground is still a mystery to me.