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[CaptainZok]

A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says 'this is the pig i have to f*** when you're not up for sex' .
His wife says 'i think you'll find thats a sheep' .
He says ' i think you'll find i was talking to the sheep'!
 

[CaptainZok]

And another
Paddy on millionaire,Chris says"for £200 who was the great train robber?
a.Ronnie Corbett, b.Ronnie Barker, c.Ronnie Wood, or d.Ronnie Biggs?
Paddy says "I've had a great day so i'll take the cash"
Chris says"But you've still got 3 lives your not that thick are you?"
Paddy says"I might be thick,but I'm not a bloody grass."

[Del Boy]

Quality both of em

[Taxi_Driver]

Yep like em too.....well done Captain  

[CaptainZok]

Just dug em off my phone thought you would appreciate em

[STMO123]

PMSL Even SWMBO raised a titter

[Taxi_Driver]

I just looked thro my mobile and this is the only one that maybe allowed..... :-/

A farmer said to his wife. If you had bigger tits we could rid of the cow. She said if you had a bigger dick we could get rid of the tractor driver!  

[CaptainZok]

LOL yeah I've had that problem too had to clean those up a bit before posting.

[STMO123]

A family are driving behind a dustcart when a dildo flies out and hits their windscreen. Embarrassed, the mother says "That was a big insect", to which one of the kids replies "I'm surprised it could even fly with a c*ck that size".

[MikeDundee]

A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says 'this is the pig i have to f*** when you're not up for sex' .
His wife says 'i think you'll find thats a sheep' .
He says ' i think you'll find i was talking to the sheep'!
 

 

[MikeDundee]

And another
Paddy on millionaire,Chris says"for £200 who was the great train robber?
a.Ronnie Corbett, b.Ronnie Barker, c.Ronnie Wood, or d.Ronnie Biggs?
Paddy says "I've had a great day so i'll take the cash"
Chris says"But you've still got 3 lives your not that thick are you?"
Paddy says"I might be thick,but I'm not a bloody grass."

 

[CaptainZok]

Based on statistics the most used sexual position among married couples is doggystyle; the husband sits & begs while the wife roles over & plays dead.

[Markjay]

This guy gets lost and drives straight through the centre of a small unfamiliar village, only to find his way blocked by a funeral procession. Behind the coffin an elderly mans walks silently dressed in black, followed by a very long line of men all walking slowly and silently. The guy thinks this must have been a very important person with all those people attending the funeral. So he reels down his window and calls out to the men behind the coffin:

- ‘Excuse me Sir, can you tell me who’s funeral this is?’
- It’s my wife’ came the reply.
- ‘And what happened to her, if I may ask?' continues the guy.
- ‘Well she got bitten by our pet dog and died’.

Quickly taking this new information in the guy says:

- ‘Sorry to trouble you on this difficult day, but when the funeral is over could I possibly borrow your dog?’
- ‘Sure thing’ came the reply, ‘just join the queue…’

[Auto Addict]

[size=16]Keep them clean and politically correct please[/size]

[Markjay]

[size=16]Keep them clean and politically correct please[/size]

OK, got your point, you can take mine off then....