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[Vamps]

Phil you are making a 'Monkey' out of the reputation of the North East.....

[Dishevelled Den]

Right, since you all insist

Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy little tune & one of the old girls said, " I wonder what that tune's called?" The other one, spotting a notice on a nearby post said, "It looks like they put up a list of their repertoire, i'll go and have a look".
A little later she returns & says, "Its  the Refrain from Spitting, dear".
 

A charming little spitt toon.

[PhilRich]

Sigh!...mutter....bloody hard lot to please this...mutter



Zulu was sitting in his traffic car out in the sticks, when he spotted his old & recently demoted Super, coming towards him. " Hello Broocie, what you doing here?" he said. "I'm here to relieve you Zulu mate", said Broocie.
"Blimey, what was it you did to deserve this beat?" said Zulu.
"It was because I arrested that Judge after the Force Fancy Dress Ball!". "I mean how was I to know the Convict suit was Fancy Dress?", moaned Broocie.
"Ahhh", said Zulu, "There must be a lesson in there somewhere!"
"You're not bleedin' kidding mate!", said Broocie, "Never book a Judge by his Cover!"

 

[PhilRich]

Phil you are making a 'Monkey' out of the reputation of the North East.....

(monkey) Nuts to you!

[PhilRich]

Just for you Phil

TRUISMS


 Do not  argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level  and beat you with experience.

 We live in a society where pizza gets  to your house before the police.

 Light  travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appears bright until you hear them  speak.

 If I agreed with you we'd both be  wrong.

 We never really grow up, we only learn  how to act in public.

 War does not determine who is right -  only who is left.

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a  fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit  salad.

 Politicians and diapers have one thing  in common.  They should both be changed regularly, and for the  same reason.


Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it  isn't.

 If you think nobody cares if you're  alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Did you know  that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people  to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

How is it  one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

A bank is a  place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Women will  never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,  and still think they are sexy.

Why does someone believe you when you say  there are four billion stars, but check when you say the  paint is wet?

The shinbone is a device for finding  furniture in a dark  room.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a  bad memory.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else  does.

Artificial  intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Crowded  elevators smell different to midgets.

Always borrow money from a pessimist.   He won't expect it back.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to  blame.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to  run for president and 50 for Miss  America?

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to  hell in such a way that you will look forward to the  trip.

When in doubt, mumble.

Worrying works!  90% of the things I worry  about never happen.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending  machine.

 

Sage words, you obviously know your onions, but you'll end up getting the stuffing knocked out of you on here by this lot anyway!

[Dishevelled Den]

 
Sage words, you obviously know your onions, but you'll end up getting the stuffing knocked out of you on here by this lot anyway!

Quite correct Phil, - although it doesn't oven happen, something's being cooked up at the moment.

[Dishevelled Den]

Sigh!...mutter....bloody hard lot to please this...mutter



Zulu was sitting in his traffic car out in the sticks, when he spotted his old & recently demoted Super, coming towards him. " Hello Broocie, what you doing here?" he said. "I'm here to relieve you Zulu mate", said Broocie.
"Blimey, what was it you did to deserve this beat?" said Zulu.
"It was because I arrested that Judge after the Force Fancy Dress Ball!". "I mean how was I to know the Convict suit was Fancy Dress?", moaned Broocie.
"Ahhh", said Zulu, "There must be a lesson in there somewhere!"
"You're not bleedin' kidding mate!", said Broocie, "Never book a Judge by his Cover!"

 

I did tell H21 that he was courting disaster by doing this.

[Webby the Bear]

re the viking joke. taxi 4 one lol

[Vamps]

Just for you Phil

TRUISMS


 Do not  argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level  and beat you with experience.

 We live in a society where pizza gets  to your house before the police.

 Light  travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appears bright until you hear them  speak.

 If I agreed with you we'd both be  wrong.

 We never really grow up, we only learn  how to act in public.

 War does not determine who is right -  only who is left.

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a  fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit  salad.

 Politicians and diapers have one thing  in common.  They should both be changed regularly, and for the  same reason.


Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it  isn't.

 If you think nobody cares if you're  alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Did you know  that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people  to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

How is it  one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

A bank is a  place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Women will  never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut,  and still think they are sexy.

Why does someone believe you when you say  there are four billion stars, but check when you say the  paint is wet?

The shinbone is a device for finding  furniture in a dark  room.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a  bad memory.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else  does.

Artificial  intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Crowded  elevators smell different to midgets.

Always borrow money from a pessimist.   He won't expect it back.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to  blame.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to  run for president and 50 for Miss  America?

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to  hell in such a way that you will look forward to the  trip.

When in doubt, mumble.

Worrying works!  90% of the things I worry  about never happen.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending  machine.

 

Sage words, you obviously know your onions, but you'll end up getting the stuffing knocked out of you on here by this lot anyway!

Some good ones on there.... I particularly think the worry one suits me perfectly....

[Dishevelled Den]

re the viking joke. taxi 4 one lol

As long as it isn't a fjord.

[jonnycool]

Oh, God...

[Dishevelled Den]

Oh, God...

I need you to remain strong JC. 

[jonnycool]

Oh, God...

I need you to remain strong JC. 

It's difficult sometimes Zulu, really difficult